Bee Happee
My Dear,
How I have loved you all my life. I miss our phone conversations across the miles on holidays, birthdays etc., which of course has me thinking of you today. Losing you has been an unbearable tragedy. You have been the one steady in my life since we were 14 years old. I'm so Thankful today for having had you in my life, for the love you showed me. Even though I haven't seen you in many years, it's as though you've been with me all the way. I miss you terribly and the honesty and bond between us. I regret not being able to make it to you, I thought we still had time. If I could go back and change one thing, that would be the one thing I would have done differently. I wish I would have just walked away and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe you would still be here; I can't help but blame myself, wondering if only I would have had the courage. My one regret in this life, was not taking that leap. I had never felt the devastation of regret before, now it is as much a part of me, as you were, as you are. On sharing memories, I miss you riding me around on the handlebars of your bicycle. I remember how terrified I was the first time, my legs flailing, causing you to sway this way and that, and how we laughed, and laughed. Then how you encouraged me to trust you, so I did, and I was glad. I miss you and love you more than words can say. All I can say is Thank you, for actually seeing me, for loving me, for being my friend, my love. You've been a part of me for so long and still, I feel your comfort, I miss your face, your nonsensical humor and your steadfast belief in me when I didn't believe in myself, always knowing exactly what to say to me, with your bit of genius mixed with nonsense, forcing me to see the humor in everything, turning the serious into whimsy. I needed that, needed you, still do.
I laugh now, remembering the orange jello... oh the orange jello, what a mess it made. Oh what a mess we made. I hope you are at peace, looking down and laughing at me and all the messes I create.
All my Love, Always,
Deb